the next few weeks are gonna be crazy for me. in one week's time, i'm gonna get thrown into OBS, and try my best to survive at pulau ubin. (i guess the winner will be the person who comes back to SG alive i mean with the least mosquito/sand fly bites LOL) not meaning to sound bimbo but BEWARE sand fly bites can cause scars if you scratch them. SCREW. and it has been a long time since i last slept outdoors? (in some sleeping bag/ tent, sounds romantic? yehps -.-)

after OBS it's electives week! idk but i'm the only one in my class going for that elective. seems quite lonely and sigh, i really dunno what to expect. >< it would be fun yes? it's just a report which i need to complete by the end of the 3 days. (which kinda reminds me of my geog report. hmmm.. DAMN THE WATER. WHY CAN'T IT FLOW DOWN INTO THE GROUND MORE QUICKLY?? D<) and at the very least i get to enter the school's nanoscience lab? which according to some people are kinda 'out of bounds' in a sense LOL unless you are involved in some research project.

then POP. time really flies. i can still remember in sec 1 when i first received my CCA results i was like literally freaking out. the naive me was shocked to have gotten to the CCA of her last choice! she was still thinking, or should i say imagining, that everything in the world would go according to her way. as though this was her world and she was the ruler of it LOL. she wanted to quit, just get out of it since for one, she was the only one in her class from that CCA. and two, it sounded -yawns- but luckily, sth changed that all.

she first started enjoying this CCA when she met friends through the house system which she's thankful for in her CCA. she found out that perhaps there was this other side to her CCA and it was not all about training, training and more training to improve skills. there was sth else apart from gaining new knowledge and she was starting to feel attached! so yes, that was the first step she/ I took and in the blink of an eye, this whole journey is about to end.

yes, there were many times which she/I (it's difficult to write in third person D<) really felt very tired, jaded or whatsoever you call it but i cannot deny the fact that i do feel kinda proud that we have pulled through, endured and came out of those situations alive (and kicking LOL).  I know when i look back in the future, this pride and sense of satisfaction will still be there no matter what. at least i did things which i have never done so in my entire life in this CCA, no matter how stupid, absurd and out of the world. (: the 30 people (used to be 34 at first?), one squad one spirit.

i know i may not be the most outstanding member in the CCA (definitely not the best in terms of hard skills too) but i don't think i have wasted my time here. apart from the first aid skills learnt (and all the other stuff), the experience and lessons learnt are already :O for example in year 1 i learnt that not everyone shares the same perspective as you. to you, it might seem as a joke but to others, something serious.yehps. and ooh, blogs are never private LOL. in year 2, decisions. the choices you make, will definitely affect you -- inflicting damage/causing regrets or bringing out the pride and joy in you. sulk or smile, sink or swim. MY choice. and in year 3, i remember it so clearly. running away never solves a problem. it just causes more and more trouble ._. yeaps, the belt & the parade but not to forget, the person who stood by me throughout the whole thing <3 without her, turning back, despite all the trouble she knew she was about to subject herself to, she still decided to help. till this day, i'm still thankful and so grateful for that act. THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCHHH and i'm so sorry for that day as well ):

and lastly in year 4. this year, i'm starting to get involved in quite a lot of other stuff and somehow i think i'm not really contributing that much, which is kinda selfish in a sense. 人不为己，天诛地灭. i have been seeing this saying quite a lot of times this year and i admit, i think there are quite a few occasions when i chose myself , chose personal benefits instead of you know.. sacrifice? yeahps, i shall not bother defending myself but i think this will be one of the regrets hmmm. still thinking if i should post this as it is really quite personal ._.

basically i think this is my reflection for the past 4 years of my CCA life. all i wanna say is sorry i am and i can't be perfect but as much i have enjoyed being in this squad, i hope i did alright. and in case you are wondering why i posted this so early, this is because i'm afraid i wouldn't have time to complete this reflection and would miss the chance to 'say' this as i will be leaving right after POP to UK. there's only less than a month left and i know this sounds cliche.

"i will be there when the world stops turning, i will be there when the storm is through, in the end i wanna be standing at the beginning with youuu~" thanks for the memories :D